HAG HUMOR

Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain
consciousness.

I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together
and setting my pantyhose on fire.

Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks
two sizes!

Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like, "You
know, sometimes I just forget to eat."
Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys.
But I've never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid
to forget to eat.

I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are:
eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding?
That is my idea of a perfect day.

I know what Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that nobody older than
30 can fit into their stuff.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then,
your body and your fat are really good friends.

The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.

My mind not only wanders, it sometime leaves completely.

One of life's mysteries is how a 2 pound box of candy can make a woman
gain 5 lbs.

Beauty is only a light switch away.

So many men, so few can afford me.